Wednesday 17th
October, 21:27pm
Day 12 guys, only 44 more to go! We are both absolutely exhausted
despite the fact that we have only been working 4 hour days, who knew children
were so tiring?! The children are absolutely adorable, I particularly love having
cuddles with the 3 month old babies as they smile so much because they normally
only get held to be fed. The children in foster care who come to the orphanage
for informal schooling each day are so cute too; they seem to absolutely love
us which is very encouraging!
Other times it can be quite hard with the children. Six year
old Deena has brittle bone disease and is still in a nappy, although we suspect
that this may be to avoid having to lift her in and out of her cot to take her
to the toilet. Then there is five year old Ramea who has to have a tube in her
stomach every morning, we aren’t entirely sure what’s wrong with her but she’s incontinent
too. Both these girls live at the orphanage 24/7 and yet are never put in the
schooling program (why?!) and are left in their cots with no stimulation all
day. I want to help these two so badly, yet it can be so difficult when they don’t cooperate! They play up to get
our attention, can be rude and fight with each other. Then there’s the fact
that me and Eloise are really in no place to teach any of the children, we don’t
speak their language so it’s hard to actually teach them the English!
But whenever I’m sat there thinking “I wish I could wring your
neck” (I do love children really!), I try to remind myself of
Matthew 18:10 “see that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell
you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my father in heaven”.
God loves the children and He loves me even though I don’t deserve it at all,
so who am I to think badly of His people? I should be showing these children
what love is, not disliking some of them they are just being typical children! We’ve
been told that Deena stands no chance of ever being adopted because her
problems are too severe, she will be in this sort of care all of her life, so I
want to give her as much quality of life as I possibly can in these 8 weeks. I
wish I was in the position to adopt a six year old girl, who knows, maybe in a
few years!
So I have discovered that loving like Jesus is REALLY hard!
But there are those beautiful moments that keep you going like when I was
teaching a 2 year old to talk this afternoon. Or when Ramea and Deena listened
to me and shared the colouring crayons we bought. Or when a little girl begged
me to come and be her partner to test her on her spelling. Or when a 3 year old
with cerebral palsy danced to Christian videos. Hearing the children laughing
literally melts my heart and makes it so worth it!
We’re getting on much better in India, we’re getting out
more and Eloise is quite good at directing us back if we get lost (I a really
bad at directions or remembering what anything looks like) A large part of me
still doesn’t want to be here, working completely for God is a lot harder than
I thought it would be. And being here has made me realise that I am not good at
all at living for Jesus, maybe my actions are sometimes, by my heart isn’t. Jesus
tells us “first clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside will
be clean also” (Mat23:25), so I am so thankful that God has used this trip to
make me realise that my heart isn’t as pure as I had once believed.
When I’m feeling down I try and think of psalm 30:5 “weeping
may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”. God has given me
an amazing opportunity to use my deeds with the children to reflect His love,
so whenever I feel like a good ol’ cry I remember to rejoice in Lord for all He
has given me. I am so blessed because Jesus died to rid me of my sins, and
wherever I am in the world that fact will always remain true!
Thank you all so much for your prayers,
Charlotte xxx
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