Promises

Wednesday 31^st October

This week has been a strange mix of emotions and I have found it quite difficult. It’s kind of like limbo at the moment, we’ve been here ages but still have a long time to go which has left me feeling a bit down and frustrated. Despite feeling quite depressed and home sick this week, I don’t particularly want to return early, I just want the next 4 and a half weeks to go really quickly. I know that if I came home now then I’d be haunted by the memories of those children, how I’d left them when I could have stayed longer. And at least I have a home to go to; some of them may never leave care in their lives so will never have the traditional experience of a “childhood home”.

In other ways this week has been fantastic, God has given me memories I will never forget. We’ve finally started teaching the two older children who are left out of the school and, amazingly, they’re learning from us! We bought a magnetic alphabet and number board which we have used to teach them A-H and 1-5 – needless to say, the bag of haribo sweets as a reward definitely sped up the learning process! As silly as it sounds, I cannot even describe how proud of those children I feel when they point and say “aunty look, two lions” or “A aunty, that’s A!” I can now understand why parents brag about their children so much.

Today, when a child blew a kiss at me, I realised for the first time just how much I now love and am attached to these children, at that moment it hit me that some of these children have taken a place in my heart now and I will never be able to fully let them go. What’s so poignant is that the child that blew me the kiss is Ramea, the girl I severely disliked when I started (and have previously, very wrongly, referred to as “evil”). It is so amazing how God can change how our hearts feel in this beautiful way.

So although I still feel a bit down at times, I know that I’ll be fine because God tells me so numerous times in the bible, and God never lies. Psalm 120 tells me “I call on the Lord in my distress and He answers me”, Luke 12:25 says “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” and Paul’s letter to the Corinthians tells me “He will also keep you firm to the end” (1Cor:8) – so why should I stress over how quickly the next month goes? It won’t make any difference, I just need to embrace God, thank Him for how He has blessed me and believe in His word – as Chisem so well put it, I need to live the gospel.

Lots of love,

Charlotte xxxx